Act I – A Meditation on the Death of the Only Friend: Boredom Begins To Take Hold

 

Scene 1

We are in a living room of a dorm. It is sparsely furnished, some might even say barren. A stereo is the main attraction; it is currently playing something weird and slightly pretentious. We are in the middle of an afternoon that never ends.

 

Clay: I think I want to kill myself.

 

Eric: You too?

 

Clay: Did it work for you?

 

Eric: Not really.

 

Clay: Do you think I should?

 

Eric: I dunno man.

 

Pause.

 

Clay: I’m just bored.

 

Eric: Yeah. So was I.

 

Silence.

 

Clay: I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.

 

Eric: Yeah?

 

Clay: Yeah. But I had an idea. I wanna rob something.

 

Eric: Like what?

 

Clay: A bank maybe.

 

Pause.

 

Eric: Why?

 

Clay: Just kinda want to do it.

 

Silence.

 

Clay: Do you think I can?

 

Eric: I mean, maybe.

 

Clay: I know it wouldn’t be, like, how to put it…simple.

 

Eric: No, it’s pretty complex.

 

Clay: I think I could do it though.

 

Eric: Maybe.

 

Clay: I dunno.

 

Eric: Me either.

 

​

Scene 2

Same dorm room, later in the night, the kitchen this time. Clay is cooking at the stove, currently boiling water for some vaguely tasteless and nutrition-barren meal. He sits on the counter occasionally checking his water. Eric stands nearby.

 

Clay: It might not have to be a bank.

 

Eric: No?

 

Clay: It could be something else.

 

Eric: Like what?

 

Clay: I dunno. I guess I’d like it to be a bank.

 

Eric: Why?

 

Clay: It seems, like, classier than a gas station, ya know?

 

Eric: Yeah, I can see that.

 

Clay: Probably harder, though.

 

Eric: Yeah.

 

Silence.

 

Clay: If I get away with it, I’d have a lot of money.

 

Eric: Yeah you would.

 

Clay: I don’t want a lot of money.

 

Eric: What would you do with it?

 

Clay: I have no clue.

 

Eric: Could give it away.

 

Clay: Maybe.

 

Eric: What would you need it for?

 

Clay: Nothing.

 

Eric: Then why do it?

 

Clay: I always wanted to.

 

Silence. Clay looks at the water. Feels it with a finger. Looks confused. He then actually turns the stove on.

 

Eric: Forget to turn it on?

 

Clay: Yup.

 

Eric: You keep doing that.

 

Clay: Yup.

 

Silence.

 

Eric: Do you miss me?

 

Silence.

 

Clay: Yeah.

 

Silence.

 

Eric: Why?

 

Silence.

 

Clay: Yeah.

 

Pause.

 

Eric: Your water’s boiling.

 

​

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Scene 3

Eric and Clay are sitting on the couch playing video games. They each have a controller.

 

Clay: I don’t think I can rob a bank alone.

 

Eric: No, probably not.

 

Clay: At least not successfully.

 

Eric: Do you want it to be successful?

 

Clay: Yeah. At least for the most part.

 

Eric: What’s that mean?

 

Clay: I don’t know.

 

Eric: Well, you might have to start making some calls.

 

Clay: I hate talking on the phone.

 

Eric: So did I.

 

Clay: I don’t know who to call.

 

Eric: Who do you know?

 

Clay: You.

 

Eric: Who else?

 

Pause.

 

Eric: I wouldn’t be much help with this anyways.

 

Clay: It would be pretty fun though. The two of us robbing a bank.

 

Eric: Maybe, yeah.

 

Clay: The most chill bank robbery of all time.

 

Eric: Yeah.

 

Pause.

 

Clay: That’d make a good movie.

 

Eric: Two depressed guys robbing a bank?

 

Clay: Yeah. Entertaining at least.

 

Eric: Less entertaining in real life.

 

Clay: I dunno…

 

Eric: I don’t think the people at the bank are gonna find it entertaining.

 

Clay: You never know.

 

Silence. The video games have their attention.

 

Clay: Can I ask you a question?

 

Eric: Sure.

 

Clay: Why are you holding a controller?

 

Eric: Your fantasy, dude.

 

Silence.

 

Clay: I don’t want to call anybody.

 

Eric: You don’t have to.

 

Clay: I do, though.

 

Eric: Well, then…

 

Clay: How do you ask somebody to rob a bank with you?

 

Eric: I don’t know.

 

Clay: This is already more complicated than I thought it would be.

 

Eric: That’s life.

 

​

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Scene 4

Same couch, but the video games are put away. Clay is on the phone, visibly uncomfortable. Eric sits nearby.

 

Clay: Hey, how are you? Great, great. Listen I – Yeah, it’s always pretty crazy, but that’s school you know. I just – No, you’re fine, I just wanted to ask you something. No, I don’t need money. I was wondering if you would be interested in helping me out with a job. No, like, it’s kind of, unusual. Like, in the not legal kind of way. Yeah, so I want to rob a bank, and I really could use your help. Seriously, yeah. Um, just me right now, but I’m looking to get one or two more people. I really don’t know. No, not him. I’m not robbing a bank with him. He’s a piece of shit. Look, this all might not even happen, I just wanted to know if you’re interested. Okay, yeah. When I have more details, I’ll get those to you. Hopefully before too long. Awesome, thanks a bunch, bye.

 

Eric: Well?

 

Clay: I think he’s up for it.

 

Eric: That didn’t take much convincing.

 

Clay: Well, have you ever met my boss?

 

Eric: No.

 

Clay: He’s a little…odd.

 

Eric: Well, that could help I guess.

 

Clay: Yeah.

 

Silence.

 

Eric: So you’re really doing this?

 

Clay: If everything comes together, it looks like it, yeah.

 

Eric: What’s your plan?

 

Clay: What do you mean?

 

Eric: You need a plan to rob a bank.

 

Clay: Well yeah.

 

Eric: Like, an actual plan.

 

Clay: Yeah.

 

Eric: Written down and everything.

 

Pause.

 

Clay: Really?

 

Eric nods.

 

Clay: Shit.