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Various characters are to be played by a company of any size, though it is suggested that each character in each particular scene is played by a different person. Genders have been assigned to the

characters, but are suggestions only.

The almighty author commands you to get weird with it.

(If that's how you're feelin'.)


The scenes are currently in the order that they are because that is what works best for them on the page.

In performance, that may not be the case.

The only important thing is the meaning and the truth.

Art is never static.



Two shirtless men walk onstage and sit down. One has a water bottle, which he swigs out of, and passes to the other man, Two.


One: Hot one today.


Two: Goddamn right.


One: Haven't seen one this hot in a while.


Two: Not for a few years, at least.


One: Know what I want to be right now?


Two: What's that?


One: Cold.


Two: Cold?


One: Cold.


Two: You shittin' me?


One: I ain't.


Two: Know what?


One: What?


Two: I could stand to be cold myself.


One: No kiddin'?


Two: Not a bit. Cold. Frozen even.


One: Frozen. That's the dream.


Two: It is at that.


The two men each take a drink again, and then spontaneously kiss each other. There is a slight pause.


One: Cold.


Two: Frozen, even.


One: That's the dream.




An old man lays in bed, his family surrounding him. A heart monitor beeps weakly.


Old Man: Please, come a bit closer.


They do so.


Old Man: This, I think, is the last thing I shall ever say...


Somebody bursts into tears.


Old Man: I...I...I...wish I had watched more commercials. People worked hard on them.


The heart monitor flatlines.




A man sits alone in a room, facing a video camera.


Man: And I watched their faces through the window. I saw them pound the glass with their fists, knowing they couldn't break it, that they were just too small. Occasionally you could hear noises above the roar, never the children, but the pets, the pets were loud. After they caught, the kids, not the pets, they stopped pounding with their hands, and used their whole bodies, even their heads. They were good windows, they didn't break. Their parents drove up just when I thought they'd miss the whole show, just when the crowd was really starting to get big, and the sirens were close. I'll give 'em both credit, as parents, I mean, they didn't hesitate. They were out of the car and into the house faster than I would've thought they'd be able to move. They left the door open, so you could hear them pretty good. I thought that was considerate of them.


The lights go red, and a voice is heard, seemingly though a speaker.


Speaker Voice: What did you do afterwards?


Man: Came here.


Speaker Voice: Why?


Man: I just really wanted to tell somebody.


Speaker Voice: Any reason?


Man: Well I thought it was pretty cool.

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